A meditation secret, dreams of business, Dad ’n football

I’m finding one “secret” to meditating is to aim for at least 20-30 minutes of it minimum. 30 seems to be the sweet spot where the magic happens (ever so subtly though).

If I haven’t stuck to a regular routine of it, it’s harder to get back and stay in it — it helps if I tell myself I’m going to stay at it for 30 mins no matter what — just sit through the noise and thoughts and whatever else. Just follow my breathing, etc. I can feel it start to sink in again.

Persistence is key and mind + body will thank you for it.

That dream earlier… the “American Idol” one, I’m wondering if it applies to my last tango w/ B & F?

The last meeting didn’t work out (buying out GC) and they were the two people in the dream? In essence we would have been partners if I was retained as consultant (and it sounded like F wanted me to continue to play a role @ GC).

So them two not “showing up” ala backing out, represented in the dream. Then there were my doubts (and possibly theirs too) that I couldn’t move forward with new plans for Gator Country because of my lack of confidence and being so out of touch with it over the years.

The assistant stage manager saying I was deaf and couldn’t do it represents that…

My resolve in the dream to counter that and walk into the stage lights may represent the future being bright if I finally stepped into my own and made GC “mine” again (i.e. those narcissistic wonderings I had) For the longest time everyone has benefited financially from GC except me or bare minimum).

My idea to reinvent GC is also back to roots is pretty radical and definitely goes against the grain of GC today. Hence my sometimes lack of confidence.

(That idea of bringing GC “back to roots” also makes GC more “mine” again in that it’s no longer being held hostage to fears of others and being stuck in the mainstream where it can’t effectively compete.)

In fact, it’s revealing I still feel some anger at that and people not trusting my vision, (therefore causing me to lack confidence).

So the dream may represent all these things and feelings - esp. coming right when B & F ( backed out again for the third time.

I still have mixed feelings on keeping GC and reinventing it. In the mornings I’ll feel “ugh” and wish I had sold it and gotten it off my hands. I think mornings tend to be the truest feelings (unless I’m feeling crappy then it’s default behavior).

Most of the mixed feelings stem from the need to roll up my sleeves and get to work… and on the computer.

Maybe this is an opportunity to find some kind of balance using the computer and still somehow be productive on it?

There must be a reason this “back to roots” thing keeps coming back as the most viable and financially beneficial thing to do (cards are also always positive about it).

I just have to make sure I can go all-in on it in good balance without affecting my health.

I would just half-ass it and keep A, let everyone else go but that might be contrary to the spirit of the original “back to roots” vision?

I do want to be smart about this too but also trust my own gut and feelings even if they go against my mind.

Watched a bit of the UF/UGA football game towards the end with Dad. It was a thriller it looked like, with tie score 20-20 at 4 minutes left. Then the Gators fell apart and lost.

I miss watching games with him — he always comes alive during these and when the Gators do well, he becomes happy-go-lucky. It’s a blast to watch him over the course of a game.

I’ve taken probably a permanent break from watching TV because my body and eyes always feel fried afterwards for days.