Dreams of the deaf

Had a very interesting dream last night because the feeling was very deep, meaning it’s a dream of significance usually.

I was part of a group of people divided into individual teams. We put together to create some sort of presentation art multimedia-wise.

The details are vague but I was advanced out of the team into a smaller trio—three of us. We were now on a much bigger production venue/facility, where we were to make a speech, play, present whatever we wanted to a huge audience. The setting reminds me of American Idol.

Just before we were scheduled to go on stage, my two partners still hadn’t shown up. And it was time to go—the stage manager came to tell us to get to the stage.

Seeing it was only me, one of the assistant stage managers said I was deaf and wouldn’t be able to do anything. That pissed me off—so much so I punched him in the face, clown-style.

I then resolved—you know what? I can go up there and tell them my story as a deaf person doing it in a sometimes hostile hearing world—that I have value and can contribute with or without partners (i.e., propping me up).

In a fit of determination, I stormed off towards the big stage. The new friends I had made throughout this showed up to have my back and I gestured to them to come join me.

I remember as I was walking to the stage wondering if I was being narcissistic, going up there to tell my story when it was a group thing.

I thought—well, everyone’s got a story to tell and I think sharing mine will help others.

As I was marching with resolve and excitement I woke up just before getting on stage.

Meditating two times a day (within 30-60mins each time) seems to be the sweet spot. Any more than that I’d feel lost in the clouds. Less I don’t get deep enough of a connection.

These days it feels like my hard edges are melting away into the sweet Beloved.