Self-censoring, camper upgrades, being judgy

That automatic self-censoring impulse still kicks in sometimes when I’m writing. Makes sense though; it’s a lifelong habit of mine that I’m in the midst of reprogramming.

So when I find myself constantly stopping, deleting, revising, backtracking, etc. it’s a warning bell that my mind is doing the writing, not me.

That’s when I jump up and wrestle that sneaky bastid back into submission.

I’m really enjoying writing here so I want this place to be as pure as possible as an extension of myself with the minimum amount of filtering.

With the mind out of the way, writing is fun again. Words just sing¹ out of the pen and there’s a certain kind of vibration within that resonates.

Speaking of word singing, Michael Perry’s very much in tune with his words, pop over and check him out. He’s a fellow wanderer, except his backyard is the whole world.

Dropped the camper off at the RV handyman’s place for a couple weeks. He’s going to do all the upgrades & fixes I’ve wanted for awhile, especially lifting the trailer it sits on by three inches so it sits higher for more ground clearance for further wanderings for more fun. For! for!

It’s strange. The camper is technically an inanimate object (until it’s moving behind my car?) and yet I already… miss it.

It’s my beloved, she’s been through so much with me through these years and I have waited so long to go on more adventures with her.

She is my home.

That time is coming near. I hope to be out of here by the end of summer and things have cooled off a bit.

Me and my camper watching a sunset

I’ve noticed the older I get, the more “judgy” I seem to have gotten towards people, things, myself, etc.²

It’s silly, boring stuff (did I just judge myself?) and it’s a waste of energy that leads to endless cycles of stress, discontent and crappy feelings.

I don’t want that clutter in my mind so I’m trying to be more consciously aware of catching these judgements and releasing ’em as they come.

I don’t want to do it just because it’s right thing to do. Selfishly, I want to do it because it’s a path towards a clear and uncluttered mind.

Which leads to more room for kindness and serenity — which leads to selflessness.