The way a leaf falls and sways to the ground…
It’s an intense symphony between the universe, nature, and ourselves as witnesses to an intricate dance that’s been ongoing for millennia from the moment the very first leaf fell from the very first tree.
…a timeless, forever dance to remind us of our immortality in the grandest scheme of all.
I was working late one night, winding down and this thought cascaded into my mind:
“Love never changes — it’s our own human-ness and response to it that changes.”
Does it make sense to you?
Maybe in the beginning when we fell deeply in love, we were swept up in it. Then sometimes we get hurt. So when we fall in love again, sometimes we’re more wary and cautious because we don’t wanna have another gaping hole in our hearts; the loss can be greater than death.
This saddens me sometimes because love is the greatest thing there is. Love is what powers and creates the universe. Maybe that’s why it hurts so hard sometimes, because it sure packs a punch.
Love brings so much joy to life. We grow so much from it, even in loss. Love is who we are at in our highest essence. When we love fully, it is the Universe exhaling through us in full.
When fear gets in the way or we allow it to lurk in the background, always wondering if it’ll last or we’ll get blindsided, it diminishes our capacity of love, like a pitcher that leaks so that it’ll never brim over the top in the fullness of its joy.
If only we could accept that love is what it is in its purity, that it’s always there deep in us (and by proxy, in Spirit), and accept that we will have our human moments in dealing with it. Accept that it is us that changes and sometimes flinches in the full might of love. It’s not love that’s hurting us, it is our own fears, projections, insecurities, and sorrows. It’s our own reaction to it. It’s normal to feel that way, especially after being deeply hurt, but we have to let it flow through us like a river, allowing us to be cleansed of the pain, to be reborn fully back into love once again
It’s like playing with fire…. By playing with fire, we become truly alive. And that’s why we’re here on our beautiful earth — to Live. Again and again. Like the fabled Phoenix.
Sunset over the Three Sisters islands near Uvita, Costa Rica
I’ll never forget this and I struggle to describe this because words are inadequate… It’s one of those moments that have become forever seared into my soul:
After running on the beach just before sunset, I dove into the ocean and swam far out.
I end up well past the waves, just floating in the swells that lift me way up and down like a tiny cork going with the sway of the ocean.
As I look out, I see nothing but a vast sea to the horizon and a beautiful sun slowly melting into it, casting a shimmering orange-yellowish glaze over the surface while also tinting the smattering of white froth from waves beginning to birth themselves to shore.
It was the most surreal thing to experience, watching my beloved sun disappear all the while the ocean lifted me up high and lowered me in its gentle swells, as if caressing and reminding me that I am just one small part of the universe yet connected to the infinite web of it all. To surrender and just be in motion with it.
And to be grateful and humble for all that is - even the perceived negative things in our lives because there is a purpose to everything in totality, as with the ocean.
One afternoon I was a little stressed out knowing that I’m going to be walking into an emotionally volatile situation in the next couple days. It’s not something that can be avoided, or healthy boundaries set by — it’s just something that has to be done. My mind was actually okay, it was my heart that was gripping a bit because it knew pain could be ahead.
I took a walk through one of my favorite oasis of peace in nature where the buffalo and wild spanish horses roam. Midway through the trail, I sat down on a meditation bench and closed my eyes.
The wind kicked up and this feeling came through me in the vein of these words: “Accept it.”
Peace and understanding swirled in, lifting my heart and releasing its burden.
Sometimes accepting is all you can do. Accepting that pain may be ahead… Being at peace with that by allowing it to flow in and out of you, knowing you’ll get through it and it’s just part of your life experience.
It’s allowing life to breathe through you.
Ever since I was a wee one, I’ve always had a beautiful relationship with water. I was born in Ormond Beach (part of Daytona Beach these days) and our neighborhood was right across the street from the ocean, so we would go there often. My dad always had a boat of one kind or another so we were also out in the sea most weekends. Just about everywhere I’ve lived, it was near a body of water.
I loved swimming most of all, most especially going underwater, holding my breath for long periods of time and just lying on the bottom, looking up at the sun glittering a melodic dance through the surface. It was such a magical and peaceful world for me as a child and sometimes I would try to go to sleep while under there, to be one with that world.
Upon reflection into my past, I have noticed that the times I lived away from a body of water, those were literally the “dry” times of life. It is fascinating how such things can seemingly and improbably have an impact on your life in subtle ways. I’m also an “Air” sign being a Libra but I do have a Scorpio cusp so it makes sense because I am both of air and water.
Whenever I have dreams about water, they’re often profound and strike a deep chord within me. Sometimes I’ll be soaring above the ocean gliding like a bird. Other times I’ll be underwater somewhere, reveling in a world of purity, silence, and lightness.
I was reminded of this when I woke up one morning from a dream where I was underwater near a beach in the moonlight and I was just swimming around like a dolphin, twirling around and being blissfully free in joy. All the while, I could hear this deep, resonant song of vibration, like a hymn from the universe, carrying with me through my frolics, accompanying me.
After I woke up, I could still hear and feel that vibrational hymn so I just laid in bed for a little while, soaking in it as it slowly faded away.
Do you have such feelings, dreams, or some sort of relationship with water? Care to share? Even if it’s with a different element?
The sun arrives,
poking through tall trees
as steam rises from river
and sky turns pale
Slowly and surely
precious life all around
stirs anew for another day
What can one do
emerging from darkness
but align with
this light of hope?
To let it fill your
weary heart with love
to sustain you for
another day, another life.
What can you do
but live life like
all God’s creatures,
going with the flow?
To take that hope,
turn it into faith
and to trust in the
infinite wisdom
of the universe.
No one said it was easy
but look to nature again,
see how the trees and flowers
fight their way through
dark soil towards the light?
They trust. They have faith.
They sustain themselves
on the love of nature
and the universe.
Let your heart and soul
rise not only with the sun
but also with the moon.
Rise with love
in all ways, all times.
For that is the secret
of the universe.
Just look to Mother Nature
and know in the unknowing.
Love can’t be compartmentalized. It is part of the whole. You either love or you don’t.
-Ray
Translucent long sea
stretching forever
and ever
shimmering with
crystal clear
pale blueness
heavenly skies
warm yellow hues
entwined with blue
and a wandering
boardwalk as far
as the horizon
it beckons me
to find the
song of my heart
ever so gently
each plank cajoles
me come forth
I step and step
seeing familiar lines
in each wood
like
kindred souls
of my past
I step and step
deep blues rising
all around
in the air
in the sea
ever closer I get
And I step and step
feeling serene peace
love awaiting at end
beckoning me to keep
coming forth
which I do
The joy rises
heart beats faster
soul sings passionately
I step and step
feeling closer to
ecstatic union
While I can’t see her
I feel her there
my beloved, waiting
for that sweet embrace
loving kiss
together forever
I step
and I step
some more
And then
I wake up and wonder
what might have been.
I remembered when a shaman, Katherine Skaggs, did a channelled soul portrait for me a few years ago; she looked deeply into my eyes, her breath quieted and she said, “You’re a healer and teacher; you’re going to come back and teach us.” I didn’t understand it or believe it much at the time, but one thing I have realized maybe that’s why my path has been the way it is even to this day. It may sound romantic, but as you very well know yourself, sometimes the greatest suffering is the greatest teacher of wisdom. This recent path of seemingly aimless wandering and seeking, also seemingly without purpose, has been a sort of purgatory for me… Like the sage who exiled himself to the desert. But this purgatory has been more of a hell.
I’m starting to see and realize that there is a method to this madness, even if I’m not aware of the intricacies of it: Sometimes just being so lost to the point of seriously questioning your life, even to wanting to take it a few times, is the only way you can truly find yourself. I’ve always had such a strong mind with powerful thoughts and the paradox is it was getting in the way of where I needed to go. This isn’t the kind of path you can will yourself to or “mind” yourself to, it’s just not possible because the mind itself is the problem and the illusion. So this path, which has truly been bewilderingly involuntary and without rhyme or reason to my mind (or my Self), was a way of imploding it through awakening.
Some of the New Age stuff out there makes awakening out to be a lovely choral angelic thing but it’s not. True awakening can be brutal. It rips you up and spits you out in a million pieces, all your layers peeled away and exposed, gaping sores to be healed. It’s so destructive that you seriously wonder if you’ll ever be able to be put back together, then the horror dawns that you can’t because you can’t go back to the way you were — you don’t even have that choice anymore because you’re past the point of no return. It’s literally do or die time, except there is nothing you can do but figuratively die and “reborn” yourself. Going back would just be returning to a living death. It might be why some people who go through this end up in insane asylums or with serious mental illnesses or remain lost souls because they tried to abort the process and ended up fracking their minds up.
This is what the ancient mystics pointed to when they spoke of the dark night of soul. You really don’t hear much about it anymore because people (and the industry) want to fast food their way to so called “enlightenment”, which is another word that’s been hijacked by the New Age Machine so it’s nearly worthless. Like religions hijacking the word “God” to the point where it’s a loaded word today that makes people flinch. That ain’t God. And nor is enlightenment.
I see two trees
swaying
in the wind
Sometimes they
drift together,
sometimes apart
Seemingly at mercy
of the wind of
life all around
Then I look where
they stand,
firmly in earth
Solidly together,
grounded in their
deep rooted love
for one another
Together they’ll stand,
through the foundation
of their hearts…
and enduring love.
Ray
An alien from a different plane wandering the universe in a tiny camper
Along the Ray
Somewhere on a river...
North American continent usually
