Bad days

I didn’t feel so hot when I woke up this morning so I knew I was in for a long day.

My acupuncture physician has reminded me even though I’ve turned a major corner in my healing process, that there will always be an occasional bad day due to the nature of the beast.

It was a refrain I’m intimately familiar with from my Meniere’s disease days. Although those are a distant memory, due to damage to my vestibular system, I’l have what I call off-balance days now and then.

I’m sure many of you are familiar with bad days in your own worlds.

This was one of those days.

When it happens, the world becomes a distant, foreign place to me. Hostile even, as I want to retreat into a cocoon to minimize all extra-sensory input and just quietly recuperate. My balance system has to work extra hard to make up for what it’s lost so it’s more of a toll on the body, esp one yet at peak efficiency.

It’s even more a drag mentally and it piles on top the physical. I try to stay positive, meditate and do little things to keep my mind away from my body. It’s not always successful because when your body isn’t all there, you’re not all there.

Yet I have to function in the world — get food, keep medical appointments, do the stuff that keeps life going. It’s like plodding through a not-so-great dream where you wished you could just wake up and it’d be over. I’d wish the day would speed up and be over so I could go back to sleep and hit the reset button for a new, better day.

At the end of a weary day I sat out at the lake to feel better and it wasn’t easy to sink into the beauty like I usually do. There’s a pale glaze over everything, a heaviness upon all you see with your eyes. Being too tired to feel good, in so many words.

Fortunately those days lately seem to be fewer and further apart as I continue to heal so there is always tomorrow to look forward to.

I share this because I want to write about both the good and bad, to share a reflection of a life lived in all dimensions.

And writing is therapy for me — I almost always feel a bit better whenever I put words to what I’m feeling on paper, as if turning it over to a higher power.

Here’s to a better tomorrow, not just for me but also for you.

Rest you gentle, sleep you sound.

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